My Name Is

Starting this right now, I have the honest-to-earth intention of giving a brief introduction to myself, you know, stuff I like, stuff that makes me tick, that kinda post, so that people know a bit about me when I finally start writing about things, and aren't left with the feeling of "Huh.....wait....wha' the hell?".

Now granted, mostly you are going to be left with that feeling but it's going to be because of the bad jokes, not because you don't know me.

Point is, now that I'm here, I have a feeling the intro thing might not get to happen.

But that's just what I think.

I could be wrong.

Like the time I was when I thought investing in the Bey blade hoopla was a good idea.

So, intro huh?

Let me see.

What can I put in an intro and not make it suck?

I can't think of anything.

Which reminds me of my dislike of text speakers (actually, it doesn't, but I have to segue someway, don't I?). Now, let me explain. I don't really hate people who use text-speak. In fact, what I can really empathize with, is that to save money, people might shortchange some words, but it really gets distracting when most of the writing fails to make sense.

Like whomever came up with the bright idea of typing "this" as "dz" ought to be imprisoned for life, with the caption in the news stating, "Nw, dz iz kewl, LOL!" From what I've been told this kind of typing style makes you hip and cool and "down with it". Really? REALLY? That's all it takes to make an impression these days? What kind of a world are we living in, really?

But then again, this is the same world in which Bryan Danielson was fired by his company for doing what he was told to do, so I take my words back. It might be okay to text speak.

Which brings me to my next point, and this is an even more annoying one, what really is the use of modifying words when the same number of characters (or in some cases, even more) are used? Words like "Kewl" and "itx" irritate me to no extent and have marginally contributed to me having an honor code to beat up text speakers everywhere. But that's just how I feel from where I'm sitting.

In a jail cell.

Typing this on a stolen laptop.

Waiting to be bailed out.

Some police officers just have no respect for an honor code.

Help me!

Please.

Ahem!

My theory regarding text-speakers might be stupid, but certainly not stupider than guys going to Twilight screenings so that they can see girls, which for the record, has happened in the past.

In all fairness though, this last one pokes fun at Twilight fans rather than Twilight itself.

Speaking of which, it seems that my mocking Twilight in the debut post has gotten me some heat. I actually was told by an irritating deputy from the International Organization of Twilight (we're going to call 'im IDIOT from now on, get it?) to cut these jokes or pay the price.

Eh!

I think I have some change on me somewhere.

I know, I know.

I can almost hear the voices right now, (and for a change, they're not the non-existent ones that I usually hear.)

"IDIOT?? that's all you got, that's the lousiest name for a fake corporation ever. You're so handsome!"

Okay, maybe not that last part.

But still. You have a point. IDIOT is pretty bad.

But that's because you don't know my actual pitches.

I was actually going to go with even worse stuff,

like the Attendant from the Lovers Of Twilight Association (LOTAA)

Or the trainer from the Twilight Welfare Institution (TWIT)

So, apparently, you got off better.

Or not.

Clearly, I'm spending too much time making this crap up.


Now, I'm not a movie buff, I don't follow movies that much, and in most cases I don't have a problem with anything that the world likes. But I do have a problem with fans latching onto anything that makes money and has good looking actors and calling it the greatest ever. But that's just my opinion, no? Maybe following every other blockbuster is the way to go. Maybe those critics that have been in the movie industry for decades are dead wrong in their assessment.

Sorry Ebert!

Maybe those that are impressed by great special effects or the awesome fight sequences are right.

Maybe.

See, I have a formula regarding movies (or any other work of art for that matter) when I do watch them. It's just that there's so many great ones in this world, why waste your time with the ones that are not so good. Or if you do, why not do it when you've got the better movies out of the way.

But that's just me.

I could be wrong.

Same formula goes for my taste in music. Go for the good things first, which for some reason almost always turn out out be from before the year 2000.

I'm mostly a rock sorta person and am more interested in songs from the days past than any other.

Give me some Beatles, some Zepplin, some Stones, any day of the week. Miley Cyrus, Black-eyed Peas, Jay Sean, Ackcent and Kesha? Not so much. Now, I'm not saying they're bad(for the most part), it's just that I don't like that kind of stuff. But of course, there can really be no comparisons between the oldie goldies and today's stuff.

Spoiler Alert: the old stuff is better.


Okay now.


I think I've covered just about everything of note.


Oh right! I almost forgot to talk about books.


Let's do that one some other time because that might take a good long while to talk about.


But that's just me.


I could be wrong.


Next Time: I finally stop mocking random people and actually start writing about something.....

.

.

.

.

........ and mocking specific people.


Till then,


I remain Umar Ahmed.


But that's just me.


I could be wrong.


Umar Ahmed is a man who likes to keep his head covered, although, that might be because of his increasingly evident white hair patch. He is a firm Straight Edger and believes that CM Punk can save this world, but since he also believes that the "R" in the ICAP's result text message means, " 'R'eally outstanding work, you can get a distinction next time, that's why I'm giving you one more opportunity to get the job done.", so take what he says with a few handfuls of salt. He also knew he couldn't write a serious introduction and boy, was he right.