Bait and Switch! There's no review! El Oh El! Trollface! Other look-how-funny crap. Okay, I haven't even seen the movie. Just named it this because A) let's face it, these days it's a sure-fire clicks getter, and B) I wanted to have a name that wouldn't spoil the topic of my post before reading and couldn't think of anything else.
I think this says more about how absolutely over-hyped the movie is rather than me lying (I always use this tactic when I'm caught lying). I'm not saying it's a bad movie or anything because I don't really have an opinion on it yet, but I don't like the hard-sell for it. Just sayin'. Still, how is a movie named The Hunger Games and is not based on the life and times of Anna Hazare.
No, no, no, I'm here because of an important issue. Y'see I was all set to just share cat photos (because it's the internet, that's what we do) and call it a post but something happened earlier this week that changed my mind, something about which everyone felt the need to talk and I'm no exception.....
Not this. Although it could've been and would have been totally justified.
No, it's something of far more epic proportions. And since I'm the beacon of live-wire that stays on the cutting edge of all that's newsworthy (?) aka an attention-who*e, I need to be a part of it. Now, I'm not one to have my twitter id plugged more than it needs to be (it's on the top-right of the page, in case anyone's wondering) but those that do indeed follow me on twitter (here) know that I'm not a big fan of meme break-outs on Facebook every couple of days. Hated the LET'S LIKE A MILLION PAGES thing, loathed the "what they think I do/what I really do" dealio, and with all due respect to the subject matter, I'm glad that the Kony 2012 madness never reached our country, mainly because we have our hands full with evil people in positions of prominence as is, but whatever. I'm just not one to indulge in fads. That's not me. I would never do something like that.
Like I said, I would never stoop that low. Ever. It's not in my blood.
But that's memes on a global scale. I'm here because of something a lot closer to home, i.e. our ridiculous cricket celebrations on Facebook, specifically the ones after the Asia Cup final this past week. Now before the cricket enthusiasts who are more proud of their nationality during the cricket world cup than they are on August 14th start bashing me before I've even made my point (heh, I wish), allow me to make my point so that all the-cricket-enthusiasts-who-are-more-proud-of-their-nationality-during-the-cricket-world-cup-than-they-are-on-August-14th can bash me with the knowledge that I thoroughly insulted them and hereby deserve said bashing.
Now, it's no secret that I'm not a fan of cricket. Or any form of physical exercise for that matter, as my still-waiting-to-be-unpacked-ab-king-pro will testify. But one thing I am a fan of, is the stupidity of the masses when it comes to cricket.
"Yay! Our team won! I love them.......until the next time they lose. Then they're dead to me.......until the next time they win. Then, yay! Our team won! I love them......"
Let's face it, we're (who am I kidding, YOU'RE!) silly like that regarding cricket and when it comes to praising the team/tearing them a new one. Now my philosophy regarding cricket is simple and was eloquently summed up here:
Yes, now I post photos of my tweets. You wait, it WILL get worse. I promise.
If there's one thing our cricket fans have consistently proved, it's that we're (you're?) the most fickle ones of ANY fanbase in the world. But out of those hundreds of thousands, only some feel the need to take the liberty of indulging the patriotic spirit by way of sharing "funny" comics on Facebook and unnecessary bashing of other teams. So after the finals of the Asia Cup came and went this past Thursday, it was truly a sight to behold the next two days as my Facebook was filled with "humorous" comics with illogically placed word-balloons and photos with offensive captions that was somehow supposed to wake the patriot within me. It did awaken something in me, and it wasn't patriotic spirit. And if you thought I wouldn't post some of those pictures here, then you're probably new to these parts. Here's some choice examples from the very finest Facebook had to offer throughout the four-team tournament:
"Yes, u won hearts, Bangali Tigers. But do note that WE won cup and baazi. Totally unrelated, but still."
Two things: 1) *manai and 2) Like a boss?? WTF? Again?
No sir, nothing weird about this at all.
You make an excellent point, Afridi's nose!
The funniest thing to me is how we're so up in arms and quick to condemn the Indian media to an eternal damnation for their allegedly biased reporting on cricket when our folks do the EXACT SAME THING. And for anybody that wants to point out that there's a difference between the news media of a country of 1.2 billion people and some idiots on Facebook, I offer the extremely intellectual response of: it's my blog, I can be illogical and afraid of being murdered in my bed for daring to go against our Indian overlords, if I want to.
What's even more hysterical than our hypocrisy regarding the Indian media is the response of the very same people who patronisingly applauded the Bangladeshi team on their effort upon learning of said team's decision to appeal for a five-run penalty. It was a chance to finally prove that we're all not utter and total idiots and only fair-weather supporters of neutral teams by not doing anything stupid about it but no, instead we had to get this:
Now, now, don't let properly photoshopping the Bangladeshi flag on the photo get in the way of some simply "hilarious" racism.
Although in Express' defense, why should Facebookers have all the fun?
Granted, this is only a minuscule part of the grand cricketing experience but it's things like this and excessive competitiveness that turn me off of the over-all charm of the sport. The idiocy and insanity that sometimes cricket brings is why I like something else that's a lot more rationale-oriented, why I'm a fan of the most reasonable sport in the world, one that doesn't involve people getting emotionally hurt by others.....
.
.
.
Professional Wrestling.
Mostly because it involves people physically getting hurt by others.
But still, when you come to think of it....
...... are the two really all that different?
Until the time I think of an ending even more anti-climactic than this, I remain Umar Ahmed.
Umar Ahmed's sole criteria for a new phone is "It should play Angry Birds". He has also vowed to riot if the Undertaker's streak breaks this Sunday at Wrestlemania. His deepest, darkest secret concern is people discovering that he rips off his writing style (if you could call it that) from Stephen Colbert's monologues.
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