Of bosses and tagging assignments

So yeah, blog's pretty much dead as I don't think I'll ever get around to completing my post about my first day at the audit firm which I started nearly two years ago, even though I have most of the details in bullet points. Heck, even the this-blog-is-dead post I started has been pending for more than a year now.

The reason I'm breaking my silence after this long is something that happened yesterday. Someone asked me (because they thought I steal my Facebook statuses from somewhere) to write four lines, any four lines on any topic in the world. And somehow I couldn't. I couldn't even get started. I had absolutely no idea what to write. So to live down my newly acquired name of Umar "status stealer" Ahmed, I decided I'll write those lines down here at 'Unhinged, while upping the ante at the same time as I write not four, not six, but EIGHT lines. Huzzah!

But now that I'm here, I have the same problem, I have no idea what to write. The only thing that I feel is even remotely close to writable (spoiler alert: it's not) is the fact that Telenor still haven't lifted their stupid 100 tweets/day via SMS limit on Twitter, a limit which no other network has. So I did the only sensible thing I could, I threatened them that if they don't end this stupidity before the big cricket match this Sunday, I'd bolt to another network. Yes, I threatened them like, I believe the correct hipster vernacular is, like a boss.

Speaking of which, what the f*ck did I miss? Where the hell this expression come from all of a sudden? Why in tarnation is it suddenly cool to do stuff "like a boss". I think I first heard it when a friend of mine recently said that he went through his exams like a boss. What does solving question papers have to do with being a boss. Who the hell exactly is this boss we're speaking of? Is it the crime lord wala boss, the one who leads a crime syndicate or are we talking the successful, but boring professional person who is higher than us in the office hierarchy, who we willingly lose golf games to? Either way, why would I wanna do stuff like either of these people? Why is attempting your exams like a boss something someone would be proud of, something I'd want to brag about? Hell, how exactly do you sit in your exams like a crime lord? I believe it has something to do with stabbing the invigilator in the leg when he catches you cheating. I just don't get it.

Speaking of which, bitchin' about "like a boss" means that I have officially run out of stuff to vent on, like a boss.

Yeah I went there. But hey, it filled eight lines, didn't it? So, mission accomplished. Hurray for wasting time!

And now, for no other reason than to be a douche, please enjoy this mid-post font change:

In other news, I've been a tagging assignment for the past two weeks and not that it's bad, but I have come to the conclusion that if things could go any more boring or any slower, we might as well be moving backwards in time. Here's the list of things I came up with that I would rather do than be on a tagging assignment:

1. Write my blog

2. Watch Twilight

3. Read someone else's blog

4. Go out in public wearing my wrestling belt

5. Read Twilight

6. Be interested in politics

7. Join politics

8. Think about Twilight

9. Make lists about things I'd rather do than be on a tagging assignment

10. Make an Orkut account

11. Praise Twilight

12. Switch to frickin' Ufone because there's no limit on Twitter texts there (please don't let me down Telenor!)

And since I have no good seque-way to pimp my other social networking exploits, I won't use one, so:

Finally, I now have a tumblr too, so now there's one more avenue for me to get ignored at. Follow me (and unfollow me mere hours later when you find out about my idiotic tumblr exploits) here:

www.theumarahmed.tumblr.com

And of course, there's also my ever-loving Twitter id which now comes in "clean" and "idiotic and scummy jokes included" versions:

www.twitter.com/theumarahmed

To access the clean version, just press the small white cross with the red background on the upper-right corner of your screen. And that's that. It's also pimped on the upper right corner of your screen. For real this time.

Till next time someone challenges me to write four lines,

I remain Umar Ahmed.

Umar Ahmed recently lost the back cover to his phone in the factory of his client and takes it as a sign from above that he should buy a new phone. He also likes to hum the self composed mesh-up of the Mission Impossible theme song and the Singham title track in the shower.